he said, fine. you win.
i didn't lose until he said that.
cuz in his mind he even have this win-lose concept. but what i want is making him my toy. completely within my control. but interestingly, when he said that, i even felt more fun.why?
i was wondering, really
will there be another man, searching every 24h corner of the whole city alone to find me at 4-6:00am? will there be another man could bare me consuming his card to not even a dime for a meal at 3 o clock and ate nothing and leave? will there be another man coming to my place to pick me up no matter how late it is? will there be another man fight against 5-6 people for me? will there be another man cook for me everyday? will there be another man kneel down to propose to me with a ring when his business is terribly and owe others huge sums of money? will there be another man being so quiet speaking so little but do such a lot without any mention?
will there be another man?
i asked myself when i was young when every time i ended a relationship. and every time my answer is, no, there won't be another man like this young man. but i am stil going to end it.
this time, i asked myself every time i made him cry. and till now, my answer every time is, no, there won't be another man like this young man, but will i end it now? i don't know. it s kind of fun consuming my youth to an experiment.
how does the words say?
love is a delicately designed lie.
as far as the concern of mine, this lie could be lasted for a whole life. with strategy and wit, with performing and fun, with adventures and memory, with faith and passion, with trust and lies. i knew it. i knew it when i was in junior high. but not until now do i really realized that is totally possible.
but i am going to leave him.
i will pick a time. when everything is designed.
i need to leave him. i am so trapped. i have never ever been so trapped in a realistic relationship.
i think i love him.