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特圆

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日志

 
 

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2011-03-07 03:01:45|  分类: 默认分类 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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do i really need some one to understand my heart? do i really need one?
i asked myself.
do i?

i faked. i made a tragedy just now. i cried. i faked to cry, but i was smiling in heart because i made him cry like a poor little baby. i did it because i want all this story like a drama, like a real love story, like a real tragedy. i want this effect. i am really in love with this effect. i am crazy about all these effects.
but when everything is done and over. i begin to really cry. this time, for myself. me, myself is the real tragedy.

i can't control it anymore.
i can't control my tears anymore.
i can't control my calmness or my emptiness anymore.
what am i gonna do? i asked myself a thousand times.
i wouldn't stop torture myself until i hav finished the work of torturing him perfectly and completely. i think,
yes. that is me. the real me.

it is all about revenge.
i knew the result. if i have to destroy him i have to destroy myself first. and i have to have patience. carefully and elegantly.
this is all about strategy.
a confident woman will never lack of strategy.
i am not that stupid. 
i just don't have time to ruin the other one.

what makes me miserable is that i might waste the most gorgeous period of my youth.
and 
you know what?
i don't care, because i don't want to live for too long.


______________________________________________________________________________

he never should have picked me.
i am not just a girl.
i am a insane jumpy unstable soul of a human being.
he never should have picked me. if he really just wanna enjoy a love life.
only does he prepare to be the one shouldn't he ever ever picked me.

i might have no right to pick others.
but i might got the right to make my picker miserably dead in mind and body.
he is sadly not the exception, again.

fell-were
another person is dead in my conception again, for goods.

______________________________________________________________________________

I asked myself why?
and tears bursted out. and than i realized that i shouldn't have asked the word " why" anymore.
"why" is the most naughty stimulate of tears in the world.
i should ask myself what i am gonna do. how will i do it.
i should ask myself these stuff.   but not why.

that is a good lesson.
i still remembered how i figured out the existence of god. 
but later, i figured out the reason of the existence of god even though i didn't find the interesting way to explain the reason. i truly know.
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