do i really need some one to understand my heart? do i really need one?
i asked myself.
i faked. i made a tragedy just now. i cried. i faked to cry, but i was smiling in heart because i made him cry like a poor little baby. i did it because i want all this story like a drama, like a real love story, like a real tragedy. i want this effect. i am really in love with this effect. i am crazy about all these effects.
but when everything is done and over. i begin to really cry. this time, for myself. me, myself is the real tragedy.
i can't control it anymore.
i can't control my tears anymore.
i can't control my calmness or my emptiness anymore.
what am i gonna do? i asked myself a thousand times.
i wouldn't stop torture myself until i hav finished the work of torturing him perfectly and completely. i think,
yes. that is me. the real me.
it is all about revenge.
i knew the result. if i have to destroy him i have to destroy myself first. and i have to have patience. carefully and elegantly.
this is all about strategy.
a confident woman will never lack of strategy.
i am not that stupid.
i just don't have time to ruin the other one.
what makes me miserable is that i might waste the most gorgeous period of my youth.
you know what?
i don't care, because i don't want to live for too long.
he never should have picked me.
i am not just a girl.
i am a insane jumpy unstable soul of a human being.
he never should have picked me. if he really just wanna enjoy a love life.
only does he prepare to be the one shouldn't he ever ever picked me.
i might have no right to pick others.
but i might got the right to make my picker miserably dead in mind and body.
he is sadly not the exception, again.
another person is dead in my conception again, for goods.
I asked myself why?
and tears bursted out. and than i realized that i shouldn't have asked the word " why" anymore.
"why" is the most naughty stimulate of tears in the world.
i should ask myself what i am gonna do. how will i do it.
i should ask myself these stuff. but not why.
that is a good lesson.
i still remembered how i figured out the existence of god.
but later, i figured out the reason of the existence of god even though i didn't find the interesting way to explain the reason. i truly know.