end n back
2010-04-22 23:44:07| 分类：
sometimes i juse wanna be elegant, be responsible for my faith, be reasonable for my thoughts, be beautiful for my shadow，i just wanna be loved only and forever, i just wanna love once and ever, i just dont wanna be extemely evil and horroble as i really can be.
i began to be confused, what if my husband do that thing?
the most handsome man in the world, his wife, vistoria didnt care anyone else in this world but she knows what s the most important thing, just like every other girls in the world, she wann a happy family, she want her husband, she want a complete and successful marriage. that s the reason why she did what ever she could to be beautiful only for backham, that s the reason why she expread what evr she could to build a strong economic foundation for her family, that s the reason why she do everything made her husband became not only a footballer but a man with ecomnomic value and price, that s the reason why she bacome an unreplacable, the only and unreplacable women in this man's world. she never had any scandles...
and i m confused. u know what, i have been doing similar things like that, i mean, i can absolutely do that. i m unreplacable of cause. but what for?
what for? if happy marriage comes so hard, if keeping a man comes so technical, if catching my man comes so...what marriage for? if man r so easy to betray their wife and comes to me or other young girl, sooner or later the boys we r dating now will absolutely become those old thirsty men, and what for? what sense can it make? can anyone told me why and how? what is the purpose of marriage, what sense does it make to marry and have a family? if we have, esp girls, have to strive to hard?
i have no answers, but i gradually become much more than ever clear about women's independance.as i knew long ago. if so. married, unmarried, devorce, single etc are all just one type and one forms of choosing your life.if so, i will never get married until i met that one. i know exactly how the mordern marriage was built. they met, of cause, they hav kind of feelings( whatevr feelings r) and they figure out the standards of each others, and they marry. holly fucking damn shit.
i refused to c him anymore, i dont know why, but i believe this is the right thing to do. i m not that dependant, this is the key point. i need to restart my new life, meet guys who are real, straight, smart enough, as well as both kind and evil, i will never lie to myself about my feelings toward whoever is not right. i realized that i m much more smarter than i know about myslef, and what i have to do is to believe in myself, believe in myself as a human being which, i can do whatever i want.